Wine Jokes Anthology

August 28th, 2011 | by Editor 

The finest selection of wine-themed Jokes and Puns from all corners of the world under one roof. Laughter guaranteed!

WINE LADIES MAN
A lady had just swallowed a small glass of wine, as a gentleman in company asked her for a taste. “It’s all gone,” said she, laughing, “unless you will take some from my lips.”
“I should be most happy,” he replied, “but I never take sugar in my wine.”

WINE THEFT
A restaurateur had a cask of fine wine, from which one of his workers stole a large quantity. When he perceived the deficiency, he diligently inspected the top of the cask, but could find no traces of an opening. “Look if there is a hole at the bottom,” said a bystander. “Dummy,” he replied, “The deficiency is at the top not at the bottom.”

BARREL OF LAUGHS
Why is a leaky barrel like a coward?
Answer: Because it runs.

SEEING IS BELIEVING
“Believe nothing that you hear, and only half of what you see.” The latter portion of this advice is only appropriate to drunkards, who notoriously “see double.”

VESSEL LAUGH
An unwelcome cup: The hic-cup.

JUICY WHINING
What did the grape say when it got stepped on?
Answer: Nothing – but it let out a little whine.

Wine In Pills
A man who was fond of wine was offered some grapes at dessert after dinner.
— “Much obliged,” said he, pushing the plate aside; “I am not accustomed to take my wine in pills.”

GENEROUS WINE
The French humorist, Aurelien Scholl, was at the same time, as many Frenchmen are, a gourmet, or lover of rich viands and wines. A tavernkeeper was loudly praising the claret he was just serving to the writer and his friends.
“You must admit, Monsieur Scholl,” he said, “that you, an amateur, do find this claret the most generous wine you ever drank.” “Most generous, indeed,” was the reply; “it has given away all the good it possessed.”

DRINKING ALONE
The author of the “Parson’s Daughter,” when surprised one evening in his arm-chair, two or three hours after dinner, is reported to have apologized, by saying, “When one is alone, the bottle does come round so often.” On a similar occasion, Sir Hercules Langreish, on being asked, “Have you finished all that port (three bottles) without assistance?” answered, “No—not quite that—I had the assistance of a bottle of Madeira.”

WINE INSOMNIA
— “What do you take to fight insomnia?
— “A good glass of wine.”
— “Does it work?”
— “No, but it keeps me happy while I wait to fall asleep.”

WINE COLORS
Customer: “How is it that in this town you sell your red wine at a higher price than the white?”
Hotelkeeper: “Do you think we get the color for nothing!”

BEST WINE
Sheridan being asked what wine he liked best, replied, “The wine of other people.”

WHY NOT?
“Do you know,” said a friend to Jerrold, “that Jones has left the stage, and turned wine-merchant?”
Reply: “O yes; and I am told that his wine off the stage is better than his whine on it.”

WINE DOSAGE
“Whether wine is a nourishment, medicine or poison is a matter of dosage”
Paracelsu (1493-1541), German physician and father of modern pharmacology.

FRENCH ADVERTISEMENT
A billboard in a French wine shop read as follows:
“We Will Drink Milk When The Cows Will Eat Grapes.”

GERMAN PROVERB
“To drink is not the answer; however, drinking makes one forget the question.”


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